Walls Of Communication!
By Dorothy Lafrinere, Sat Dec 10th
Matters of the heart are a true mystery to all involved. Inorder to make a commitment to a relationship, it takes strength and trustin another. When we trust our partner and we receive trust back, itis a
very nice feeling. One should never betray or play games withthat trust. Those games usually get caught, and a broken trust willsurely create a huge wall of communication breakdown. When you trulytrust another, you are opening your heart and mind to an outsider. Youare at this time very vulnerable for just about any kind ofemotional attack. Confusion and misunderstandings are amongst thoseemotions now. This is why communication is so important. It is the key toopening all those doors. Without it, the doors will remained locked andone will have to work very hard to break through. It is much more productive to just talk, listen, and understand your partner. Iam not saying that this will be easy, but with love in your heart, itcan be done. The end results will definitely be more lasting. For every forced door, there will be a negative memory to try to bypass inthe future. When doors are open with love, patience and respect,they will have only good memories to savour and smile upon in the future.Those are extremely important in tearing down those walls. Communication is a very important act between two people. Iteven has more importance than sex to keep a relationship buildingstronger. In order to to communicate, it takes two willing and open minds. Ifone mind is closed, all that will happen is the other will grow in confusion and frustration. Some of us worry about the ABC`s in life and others worry aboutthe EF&G`s in life. Thats OK. It is what adds the color to our blackand white life with each other. Yes it would be easier if we allworried and thought about things equally. It would be less confusing.But only for a short time. Soon enough our complacency with each otherwould get "OLD". It would be as if we could read each others minds,but what would be the point if we thought and worried the same. A little bit of controversy is a much needed thing in arelationship. It helps us to get to know another part of our partner and alsoour own selves. When we open our hearts to another, only then willwe offer this part of us. Until then it isn't necessary. One very important thing about a person sharing their inner most fearsand disappointments is never, ever, try to stifle that person orwalk away in frustration. If someone is that open with you, embrace it andhear them out. Never belittle their concerns as being immature or nonsensical because you would never have those concerns.Remember the ABC`s, we all think differently. Only then can you bothcommunicate, otherwise you will add another block to the wall ofcommunication breakdown. When we are forced into silence, we begin to build walls. If weare not allowed to voice our inner feelings or disappointments, wewill quickly stop trying to communicate forever. Once the first brickhas then been set, the foundation of the wall to communicationbreakdown will rise up very fast. Trust me, there is not a singlerelationship that does not carry or tear down a brick to the wall ofcommunication. There are many levels of relationships. Some of us are put into situations that take much courage to see past our hurts and disappointments. Just remember what brought your relationshiptogether in the beginning. Many times we will be forced to return to pageone and start from there. With open minds and nonjudgmental heartswe can get past many mistakes and problems that will arise in arelationship. Another favorite, but not so good habit that we as humanscreate, is to regurgitate things over and over again. I use the word "regurgitate", because that's how I view having things beingtossed back in your face. Have you ever noticed that another lovelyhabit (NOT) that we as humans have is to only dig up the dirt when weare in the heat of anger? We do this time and time again, because wealready know that these things are a guaranteed hit. It is a very cheapand bullish way to try to win a conversation. Is that not what most communication breakdowns are? Conversation wars that end upshooting old ammunition back and forth at one another? The problem thereis that noone ever wins that battle. All that is really happeningis that both parties have just taken an equal part in adding more blocksto
the wall of communication breakdown. Both sides lose. Communication can only really work when neither party is being selfish, meaning that if one person is feeling that they arebeing attacked with every word that is coming their way, and it is allabout hurting them. They have automatically closed an open doorwithout even realizing it. Low self-esteem will surely make a person feelthis way. Or if one partner gets carried away and will not stop to let theother party absorb what was just said, this too is a typical selfishact. That is why it is important that we take turns with each otherand try to understand what is actually being said. If one partnermisunderstands, and you are aware of that, then you are responsible to stop and work with them in a loving manner to getthem to open that door. It is vital to not assume anything until theother person has completely finished. This is why the power of writing is so productive. One personwrites his/her thoughts down, uninterrupted, without fear of beingderailed from their thoughts and with the ability to just get it all oftheir chest, so to speak. People pay big bucks to be told just this,so listen up! If you find that your wall of communication breakdownis starting to build, then this habit of writing letters to eachother is a very good way to bypass the wall. Always reread your letter before handing it over. That too helpsyou to maybe erase a thought or two that was purely emotional whenwriting it. We all know that old saying, "I did`t mean that, I was justupset at the time". Well there's a hind site tip for all of usstruggling with that d**n wall of communication breakdown. Do you ever feel that you are so far under that wall, that youwill never be able to communicate with your partner again and justwant to run away? Before you run away, think about exactly what and whyyou are running from. Are you running from a partner that could verywell be the best thing that ever happened to you? Or are you in fact running away from your own issues that you refuse to deal with? Remember this, if it is your own demons that you fear, you willrun forever. You will never be happy. You will always blame your relationship or your partner for your downfalls. Running away isa cop out. It is a true weakness in character. To stay and fight andtrust that your partner will understand your troubles is a true signof courage and one that will be greatly respected. We all have our pasts. We must understand that yes, they didhappen and that is what they are, past issues. To have your pastcontinue to come between yourself and your partner is a bad thing. Whetherit is a person or just an experience, it should be left in the past.This is where good communication comes to the rescue yet again. When weare made aware of certain issues in our partners pasts, it sometimesmakes them easier to understand and deal with if they happen to comeabout again. If we are left in the dark and we have to meet up with another's past and it is not a very good experience, we will beweak in defense and our ability to communicate positively will bealmost non-existent. Some people fear their partners pasts, viewing them as a threatto their own relationship. This is normal and should be dealt with through love and understanding. Again we must communicate witheach other and not look down on anyone for their honesty and truefears. That wall of communication breakdown will never completely comedown if we skip a few blocks and ignore them, or handle them so wrongthat they double in size. A good strong relationship will endure mostany mistake made by humans as long as both partners are willing andhonest with each other. ******************************************** "To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are alldifferent in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as aguide to our communication with others." - Anthony Robbins "Words are a wonderful form of communication, but they willnever replace kisses and hugzzz" -Dorothy "Some think that love is all flowers and good times, but I thinkthat love is more than just that. Love is the bad, as well as thebetter, not lived alone, but a journey together. Something that only the closest can share, with communication, respect," -Anonymous About the author:Dorothy Lafrinere Owner/Operator Website-http://www.womensselfesteem.com Weblog-http://www.justblogme.com/Dorothy Forum-http://womenselfesteem.proboards29.com email-dorothy@womensselfesteem.com |
