Minimising Conflict With Effective Communication
By Lee Hopkins, Sat Dec 10th
Did you know there are 5 types of communication that lead toconflict? Let's look at them... Definition of 'Conflict' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It helps if we first define what we mean by 'conflict' * Conflict is an expressed struggle between at least twoparties, both of whom perceive interference from the othertowards achieving their goals * A conflict can only exist when both parties are aware of adisagreement The 5 types of negative communication that lead to conflict~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *Negative communication We all know a 'Negative Nigel/Nancy' inevery team — they exist and we find it near impossible to removethem. But constant negativity drains the other team members ofenthusiasm, energy and self esteem. So Nigel and Nancy need tobe confronted with their behaviour. This can best be achieved if all of the other team membersindividually feedback the effect of this behaviour on them. An'I message' is the best approach for this—such as, "Every time Iput forth a suggestion your negativity frustrates me and I findit hard to work with you." * Blaming communication Blamers spray blame around, effectivelystopping reflection and scrutiny of their performance andbehaviour. However, their impact can be reduced by fostering alearning environment, as well as the use of 'I messages', peerpressure and individual feedback. Find out what the blamer's issues are and try to address themone by one. * Superior communication 'Superiors' frequently order peopleabout, direct, advise and moralise. They are also very skilledat withholding information. Such behaviour sets up team membersfor frustration, resentment and sabotage. But 'superiors' andtheir behaviour can be addressed with individual assertivenessand 'I messages' * Dishonest communication Dishonest communicators frequentlyfail to practice listening to understand and fail to displayempathy. They also display circumlocutory communication — alsoknown as 'talking around the issue, not addressing it'. It's kind of like casually wandering around the outside edge ofa garden when what's really required is to walk confidentlythrough the middle of it. Dishonest communicators also often useroyal or imperial 'WE' statements — as in, "We are not amused" -when in reality it is just they who are not amused. They also deliberately choose to not address unprofessionalbehaviour or behaviour that is damaging to the team and itsmission. All of which leads to a dysfunctional team. But it canbe addressed: everyone in the team must insist on open, honestcommunication, foster mutual respect, stop blaming, bullying andharassment. * Selective communication Selective communicators only tellwhat they think others need to know, hence keeping themselves ina position of power over the other team members. Such behaviourcan be effectively addressed through assertive requests forhaving access to all the information. The importance of a team's values to communication~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There arenegative team values that can actually sabotage goodcommunication within a team. For example: "As long as I do a good job that's
all that matters to me"undermines team cohesiveness and co-operation. "Problems are the result of other people's mistakes" is alsounhealthy. "If someone 'stuffs up' it's their problem" is really nothelpful to anyone. Such values induce competition, not co-operation andcollaboration. These team values destroy teamwork! Positive team values ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There are 5 key valuesthat aid co-operation and cohesiveness within a team: * We are all in this together The performance of the team isseen as more important than individual performance. Note thatblaming styles of communication lead to individual performancebecoming the paramount object, resulting in little or no teamwork. * No member is more important than another When individualsconsider themselves more important than another ('superiorcommunication') then communication breaks down and competitiontakes over. But when everyone is seen as an equal, communicationis open and there are high levels of co-operation andcollaboration. * Open, honest communication is essential When you are thinkingof a reply, instead of really listening to the other, you areengaging in 'dishonest communication'. Similarly, when you seesomething done that is not acceptable but you 'are polite' andignore it you are equally being dishonest with yourcommunication. There is no room for dishonest communication in teams. Open and honest communication requires the use of listening andempathy. Listening to understand gives us the other person'sperspective—it allows us to hear their experience. Empathyreduces the need to judge the behaviours and beliefs of others.By listening and empathising we model open and honestcommunication. * Everyone needs open access to information Informationfacilitates collaboration and co-operation, and effectivedecision-making requires all the information. Decision-makingalways has an element of uncertainty attached to it, but havingall the information available makes the decision-making easier. * We all need to focus on the team's goals, aims and missionWithout a clear and sustained focus minor distractions becomemajor blockages. Managing personal criticism ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It isalways discomforting to be on the receiving end of criticism. Ithurts! Ouch! But there are ways of managing your feelings when someone 'has ago at you'. 1. Listen to understand: Listen with your ears, your eyes andyour senses Engage your mind and disengage your emotions — pack them up(remember, YOU are in control of what you think and feel) Be flexible and accommodate another view of the problem or issue Evaluate, discriminate and judge the decision you make 2. Don't go into 'defensive' mode 3. Use an 'I message' — such as, "When I am just simplycriticised I feel angry and hurt and disregard the information.However, I would welcome constructive feedback." About the author:When you match consumer psychology with effective communicationstyles you get a powerful combination. At Hopkins-Business-Communication-Training.com you can find the secrets tocommunication success. At Hopkins we show you how to communicatebetter for better business results. www.hopkins-business-communication-training.com |
