Perturbed By Pornography By Keishia Lee-Louis, Sat Dec 10th
Ask the Marriage Maven: Perturbed By Pornography I just found out that my husband has been looking atpornographic pictures of other women on the internet. He saysit's no big deal, but I don't feel comfortable with it at all.In fact, I think it's disgusting. It's hurting our relationship.Every time he's with me, I'm wondering if he's thinking aboutthe other women. It makes me feel ugly... What can I do? L.J.
A. First of all, don't beat yourself up about it. I'm sure thatyou're a beautiful person, and that's the reason your husbandwas attracted to you in the first place. However hard it mayseem, try not to compare yourself with the fantasy. There isonly one you, and your husband knows it. From your question, I take it that you've talked with yourhusband about his habit. That's a great first step.Unfortunately, pornography is one of the most deceptive anddestructive habits facing many married couples. In fact, theNational Coalition for the Protection of Children and Familiesstates that "approximately 40 million people in the UnitedStates are sexually involved with the Internet." That's just afraction of the overall porn industry. So you're not alone. One of the best ways to get your husband to stop is to let himknow exactly how you feel. You used the words "ugly" and"disgusting" with me. Have you used those
exact words with him?He needs to know exactly what his habit is doing to you, yourself esteem, and your view of the marriage. Have the conversation knowing that the "battle" may not endthere. Your husband may be addicted. Some signs of pornographyaddiction include (but are not limited to) secretive behavior,spending exorbitant amounts of time or money on the habit, andignoring other responsibilities in order to engage in thebehavior. If you think your husband is addicted, here are some otherresources that can help: http://www.sexualcontrol.com/pornography-addiction.html http://www.afa.net/pornography/addiction.asp http://www.purelifeministries.org/ The Way of Purity Course (http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/enroll/enroll.php) http://open-mind.org/Directory/index.php?ax=list&cat_id=9 About the author:Keishia Lee-Louis is the Editor and Publisher ofhttp://www.Married4Good.com Her work has appeared oniVillage.com, BibleResourceCenter.com, and in numerous otherprinted publications. Currently, she lives with her husband,daughter and son in metro Atlanta and is writing a book onmarriage and relationships, which will be published Spring 2006. |